31 times Halloween pumpkins totally nailed what it’s like to be a parent

Have you seen this weird internet trend: Halloween pumpkins giving birth? Apparently it’s a thing. So, obviously we decided to illustrate the joys of parenthood through, well, pumpkins. Welcome to the strangest article ever written.

1. Remember the good old days, when you were just two sexy kids (with no kids)?

Photo courtesy of Instructables

2. Then you pee on a stick and…oh, yeah, it’s on.

carving of fetus on pumpkin
Photo courtesy of Pumpkin Gutter

3. Once the barfing subsides, you’re ready to share the news with the world.

pregnancy announcement written on two pumpkins that says "we're expecting a lil pumpkin"
Photo courtesy of Happenings of our Home

4. Bonus: Your besties are pregnant, too! #squadgoals

three women with pumpkins painted on their pregnant bellies
Photo courtesy of Mark Jordan

5. When you try to get some rest, inside your baby be like:

6. Are those Braxton Hicks or the real thing? Better call the midwife, girl!

a dog dressed as a doctor listening for a heartbeat on a pumpkin
Photo courtesy of Marking our Territory

7. Remember how you worried about having your hair and make up done for the hospital? Hahaha, that was funny. But you still looked great, promise.

pumpkin carved as pregnant woman wearing a blonde wig and giving birth
Photo via pinterest

8. Thankfully you remembered your chic silk scarf and earrings.

pumpkin carved as pregnant woman with zucchini arms and giving birth
Photo via pinterest

9. And a pedicure.

pumpkin carved as pregnant woman wearing a bathing cap and giving birth
Photo courtesy of The 611 Man

10. Oh, that’s for sure broken forever.

pumpkin carved as pregnant woman wearing hospital scrubs and giving birth
Photo via pinterest

11. Is the F*[email protected] baby coming out sideways?!?!

pumpkin woman having a baby
Photo courtesy of Easyday

12. Emergency C-section? But what about my birth plan?

pumpkin woman having a c-section
Photo via Charleston Daily Photo

13. I can’t believe it—we did it! He’s perfect!

happy pumpkin mom holding small pumpkin baby
Photo courtesy of Contracept.org

14. Oh sh*t. Now what?

scared pumpkin mom holding small pumpkin baby
Photo courtesy of Contracept.org

15. How much poop can one baby even have?

pumpkin carved as baby with a full diaper
Photo via pinterest

16. Aaaaaaand, I have no nipples. Just raw gaping wounds. Cool.

pumpkin carved as breastfeeding mom with surprised face
Photo courtesy of Mommyish

17. Let’s try the pump, maybe?

pumpkin wearing a breast pump and a caption that says *pump*kin
Photo courtesy of Pinterest

19. I’m so glad we bought the expensive crib to hold all the new adorable outfits that only fit for three days.

cute baby sleeping in a hollowed out pumpkin
Photo: iStockphoto

18. Look at us rocking parenting and meal planning like total pros. Wait, why is her eye twitching?

two pumpkins with magazine cutouts of eyes nose and mouth pasted on as a face
Photo courtesy of Happy Home Fairy

20. Some days you answer the door looking just like this.

jack o' lantern with face eaten away by squirrels
Photo courtesy of Dalai Lina

21. Hey, check me out. This breastfeeding thing is getting a little easier—and I had time to do my hair!

happy breastfeeding pumpkin mom
Photo via pinterest

22. But my house looks like this. Mat leave was supposed to be all about organizing and batch cooking, right? RIGHT?

pumpkin cut open showing seeds and guts
Photo courtesy of Creative Connections for kids


24. What other families look like on Instagram:

pumpkin family with succulent hair
Photo courtesy of The House that Lars Built

25. Meanwhile, you’re trying to get someone (anyone!) to look at the camera.

pumpkin family with funny faces
Photo courtesy of Dalai Lina

26. The division of labour is going exactly as planned. We are a great team!

scary pumpkin eating smaller pumpkin
Photo courtesy of The Twist

27. Oh look, he’s crawling now. He literally never stops moving. Where the heck is that baby gate?! #fml

28. He starts daycare and you have some time to chill before mat leave ends. NOPE. Now he’s got a new virus every third day. It’s cool to call in sick your first day back to work, right?

pumpkin barfing guacamole onto a platter of chips
Photo courtesy of Somewhat Simple

29. Rad, it’s 3 a.m. Again.

30. Those last 12 months weren’t that bad, maybe we should try again? Honey?

tired looking gourd with a limp stem
Photo: shutterstock

31.We’ve totally got this. What could possibly surprise us the second time around?

family of pumpkins with one carved showing two baby pumpkins inside
Photo courtesy of Joe Farrier

Read more:
How do you know you’re ready for a second baby?
55 things nobody told me about my baby’s first year
9 new mom lessons from my first year of parenting


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