Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. To that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
So I gave 6YO a grilled cheese sandwich. She gasped, “Mom! You made me this sandwich one time, and I’ve been wanting you to make it again for like 50 years, but I didn’t know what it was called!”
— Jennifer Greenberg (@JennMGreenberg) January 30, 2023
If you were my 2-year-old, where would you hide your brother’s brand new passport?
— Amy Liptrot (@amy_may) January 31, 2023
Forgot to mute myself on a Zoom call while my kids were home and my boss gave me three extra weeks of vacation.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 2, 2023
Are you even a mom if you don’t rage scream one day you’ll thank me for the memories when your kids complain about pictures?
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) February 1, 2023
My 5yo has informed me that when mommy reads bedtime stories that she sounds cuter than I do. I don’t know what I’m meant to do with this information.
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) February 1, 2023
A moment of sweet, sweet silence, please, for my kid’s “lost” kazoo
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) February 2, 2023
Henry wants a tattoo for his 18th birthday so I reminded him that I have a giant tiger tramp stamp from when I was his age and he said, “perfect that’s what I’ll get.” Now he & his brothers are discussing how funny it would be if we all had tiger tramp stamps, like AS A FAMILY 🙄
— Emma Arnold (@iamemmaarnold) February 1, 2023
Apparently you can’t complain to the restaurant staff about the loud kids when they are yours.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) February 1, 2023
My daughter told her teacher that I love murder but forgot to include the TV SHOWS part so our next meeting should be fun
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) February 1, 2023
My kid told me at bedtime that he was exhaustive, and given how much talking he did after that, he wasn’t wrong
— meghan (@deloisivete) January 29, 2023
My mom once slapped ketchup and cheese on Wonder bread and called it pizza and my kids are complaining that their sushi isn’t cut to their satisfaction
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) February 2, 2023
My 5yo said she couldn’t eat her bacon because syrup got on it. She was very upset, so I had to go into superhero mode. I took one for the team and bit off the piece of bacon that had syrup. My unconditional love for my child saved the day.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) January 28, 2023
Parenting on weekdays is waking up with a headache and then dropping the headache to school
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) January 30, 2023
Toddlers really be acting like they’re the victim of a terrible crime when really you’re just asking them to look up so you can rinse their hair without getting water in their eyes.
— Raw Motherhood (@MetteAngerhofer) January 30, 2023
I know grades don’t necessarily determine future success but my daughter’s preschool teacher drew a big star on her worksheet so clearly she’s going to be a doctor.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 2, 2023
My teen will really say “Why did you get those cookies? I don’t like those” and then proceed to eat all of them
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) February 2, 2023
Knowing what I have stepped on in my own home, I should probably put a sign up on my front door that says, “Kids live here, enter at your own risk.”
— Jacana Mommy (@jacanamommy) February 1, 2023
At some point you’ll think you have this parenting thing figured out. Then your child will ask you to take the cheese off of their macaroni.
— kidversations (@kidversations_) February 1, 2023
Welcome to parenthood, your bathroom is just damp now.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) February 2, 2023